30 Days of Truth - Day 15

Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I do not like to rely on others. Partly it is a hatred of feeling like a burden, but also there is an element of fear that I will be let down. By keeping my distance from most people I thought I was protecting myself from hurt. I didn't realise the pain it was causing me. I suppressed it along with a lot of other things. I am changing that now. I wouldn't want to live in such a dis-connected way ever again.

That said, I know I can live without even the people I love the most dearly in life. I wouldn't want to, but that is not the same thing as couldn't. The people I love bring joy and meaning into my life. They make my life worth living. In a few days time I will be marking one year since my very dear friend Gabby died. What a hole she has left in my life. I miss her every day and I think I always will. My life is not the same without her in it.

If I were to have to live for the most part without people again, I would always want to have a huge stack of books and my radio if at all possible. I spent many years living alone before I met Trev. I hardly watched TV and didn't trade in my black & white for a colour one until I was in my late twenties. I prefer reading, listening to the radio, and playing or listening to music. I am comfortable with silence. It's not something I have enough of these days and I miss the feeling of calm and "centered-ness" that comes along with it. I will work on ways to balance my need for solitude and silence with the other demands in my life.

Other than the bare necessities for survival I know I could live without pretty much everything I have in my life right now. I wouldn't choose to but I could. In the past I have lived with very little for quite long periods of time. Not in poverty, but with very limited resources. For over a year I lived alone in a small caravan, around 6' x 12' inside. No water, no power, no toilet or shower. This was many years ago now, but I remember what it was like. It's amazing how we adapt.

I lived without being in contact with my sister for over a year. We fell out and neither of us had yet learnt the humility necessary to heal that rift. A valuable lesson. In the end nothing matters to me as much as the people in my life that I love. I could survive without them but I wouldn't describe that as living.


  1. What a beautiful post Jos. Like you I could live without anyone being the old hermit I am, but what fun would that be? Good to know though that
    NEED is not part of the equation, much better to come from joy and wanting then needing. xoxo

  2. We are so much alike, you and I. So strange how we met, and why, and all the parallels. You are a blessing Citrus.