30 Days of Truth - 29 & 30

Christmas Eve Eve is upon us and so I'm doing a double post in order to clear the decks for the festivities. Want to change the pace tomorrow (if I get time to post at all).

Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Just one thing? Are you kidding? I have a long list ...

OK one thing I hope to change about myself is I want to learn the knack of living in a more "present" way. It is abundantly clear to me that I over think. The knock on effect of this one aspect of my character is just huge. It stops me from enjoying, and it stops me being joyful. I can see that. And I hope I can change it.

Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Ah Jos, you are a funny one. Such a tender soul hidden beneath these layers of awkward outwardness. It's not all bad you know, not by a long chalk. And yes, you have made some mistakes and not all of them are undo-able by any means. I know that troubles you. One of these days you are going to get the hang of exercising grace in regard to yourself. Along that same path comes the art of accepting that which can't be changed however much you might wish it.

In the meantime I will tell you this. You are changing. Bit by bit and perhaps so gradually you mightn't see the signs of it, but look back ... are you the person you were even a year ago? No. That funny feeling you keep getting ... that fluttering in your heart? Well that is hope and it burns bright within you. It is something that is essential to your being and well-being. It is something that I love about you.

The funny thing about all this trying to change yourself is that at it's root you seem to think that you will find it easier to love the person that you are trying to become. But what about the present Jos as she is right now?

You remember that stuff you read about mental filters? How if someone says something that chimes with your internal view of yourself you listen properly, but otherwise you kind of hear it but it is just like noise ... it bounces right off your ears without going in? Well, I want you to listen to the things that people say to you and open your heart to take in their meaning.

You are kind. How many times are you going to hear that before you believe it? It's a good thing to be. You are not perfect and never will be but that doesn't stop you being decent, hardworking, reliable, trustworthy and a good and loyal friend. You are a loving wife, sister, daughter, and aunt. You are OK you know, really you are.
What do you think would happen if you started believing all this stuff? Would the world stop turning? Would your head grow to be the size of a pumpkin?

To value yourself is not a bad thing. It's neither boastful nor selfish. Just be yourself Jos, that's always going to be good enough for me. Be thankful for who you are, and be thankful for the life you have. And relax ... remember to enjoy, will you? I love you. xx


  1. I'm interested in the evolution of us and how it is that we look forward. It's in that looking forward that there is something that gets lost, not just the moment, I think, but something else I'm trying to understand.

    What you write today reminds me of another writer/blogger who is writing of her journey, Lillith/Deb.

    What if we don't actually like the person we are becoming? This is me. I have high hopes for myself. Ha! And yet somedays as I settle into a newer me, farther away from the me that I did not like, my smile melts just a little for the imperfections that are still me, even after/during all this work. I have to work more on acceptance. I have a visualization of who I might be headed to becoming and I am surprised sometimes to learn just how dense the core of imperfect me is.

    You, on the other hand, sound wonderful. You see what is evident to me, gentleness and niceness. You're the girl who will always be everyone's friend.

    Merry Christmas Jos! So much love and goodness for the New Year. (Thank you for the mail.)


  2. Jos,I would not change one single thing about you :-). I love this post and I agree that you are kind and gentle and dear and lovely.
    Happy Happy Christmas! xoxo

  3. lump in my throat, jos. you are very special.

  4. You ARE a special lady....indeed, you are! You are one of the bravest people I know...because you have the courage to see clearly and also to stand up - and move forward to the future.....

    You inspire me Jos.....as you inspire so many....

    You are talented, honest, strong...and yes, humourous!

    These are all traits that will help you as you go forward in 2011...me too! We all need these.... and this includes "Woman in a Window"...how lovely a friendship the two of you have!

    I can't tell you to be anything other than you ARE....because you are wonderful - and a true delight to know.

    Sending you love and strength....2011 will be an amazing year - filled with health, joy and beautiful music!


    Your Opera-loving Friend,

    ♥ Robin ♥

  5. Merry Christmas Citrus. You are are as you should be, just this moment, just this day. In progress, on a path...just the right one. Not lost, not circling, not wayward, but on track and doing a bang up job if you ask me!

    Much love

  6. That is a beautiful letter, something I wish someone would write for me. It sounds like you are already a loving and wonderful person and someone who makes the world a better place.

    Wishing you and your loved ones a very merry, festive, and warm Christmas!


  7. oh jos....

    you have written a LOVE LETTER to yourself. did you know you would? i think you'd best prepare for all this growth jos because you are accomplishing something amazing

    i cannot tell you how privileged i am to be on the journey with you, with our community. i have promised myself that i will take a morning (or afternoon) in a quiet space to read your 1 through 30. and i will just love doing that because all at once i will better know jos who has become my friend.

    love and happy holiday,

  8. Watching you in silence... healing comes. My heart to yours.

  9. "The funny thing about all this trying to change yourself is that at it's root you seem to think that you will find it easier to love the person that you are trying to become. But what about the present Jos as she is right now?"

    Me too.