Can cancer that has spread not only into her liver but also into the cavity behind her breastbone ever be considered good news? Well it seems so ... when what she has been dreading more than anything is that the cancer had spread into the bones themselves.

I love my mother. For all the complexities and difficulties in our relationship, still ... I love her. And I love the fact that she tried to cheer me up in the face of the news this week. I've always admired her strength. I know that there will come a time when the need to show strength when feeling anything but strong will come. And I know that I want to be there to offer whatever strength I can muster.

Gratitude is a strange word to use today. I will have to follow my mothers' example in this regard. You know, I don't talk much about AA on here or anywhere else really. Which is kind of odd given how instrumental it continues to be in my journey towards wellness. One thing I've learnt from listening and sharing with others dealing with lifes curve balls is that there are times when "keeping it in the day" can really help.

5 things I am grateful for today;

That the cancer is not in my mums bones.
20 months sobriety.
That the sun will rise tomorrow.
That mum and I are very likely to see the sunrise of another day.
That there is life beyond diagnosis.


  1. I'm thankful it's not in your mother's bones either. Bones are painful, liver, not so much as a rule.

    Congrats on the 20 months. It's not easy but you're doing it.

  2. Jos, I am so sorry. Life can be so hard sometimes. Finding the gratitude where and when you can is a wonderful thing.
    So proud of your 20 months!
    Sending giant love and a zillion hugs and to your mum too.

  3. The 20 months are wonderful. Being strong for your strong mum is wonderful also. You have alot ahead of you - stay strong and love will carry you thru.
    Be well Jos...

  4. Gratitude is good medicine, and your mum taught you well. 20 months!!! Has it been that long? Man. Something has happened to time. It is not the mechanical creature it once was. It is a child...dawdling or running, but rarely consistent. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Cancer is an evil bitch, but so much is learned from her. I don't know anyone who doesn't gain volumes. Still, I wish she would disappear altogether.

    Love you Citrus!

  5. Life does teach us to find *gratitude* in the strangest places....but...the fact you have found it and can stand tall and brave for your Mum....and for a testament to YOU, Jos!

    Twenty months is behind you now....and on to the next 20.....CONGRATULATIONS! Sending you a hug from San Francisco.

    You and your Mum do have an arduous journey ahead....but I have to tell you that an Oncologist once told me he had several patients whose diagnosis was *terminal*....and....they lived. The tumours disappeared...for no apparent reason....try to keep *open* about this...we all send prayers and love and strength to you both.


    ♥ Robin ♥

  6. Wondering where you are, and how you are holding out. Missing you... I read even when I don't comment. xo