Making Friends

You'd think it would be easy enough
I meet people all the time
I chat
They chat back
And then either I or they
Go away.
I wonder sometimes if I should hibernate
As is my instinct
I know it's supposed to be wrong
Are we not social creatures.
Why is it so hard to make friends?

I lack courage
Time and again I come to this sober conclusion
Which I question
And then acquiesce
How to refute the truth of it.
I am sad to find myself so alone
A situation of my own making
The unmaking of which
Quells even the prospect of bravery
Shall I instead spin my cocoon
In the hope of metamorphosis?

Frustration battles procrastination
A solid feeling fear based lethargy
That threatens to consume
Not solely my present state
But my state-to-be
And I
I battle alongside with the wanting
And not wanting all at the same time
Somehow though I still believe
It should not be this difficult
Where then the fault?

The case for perseverance
Needs to be made
If only for the sake of balance
And to offset the bleakest
Of all prospects
That of continuing in the same vein
With the same result
Or non-results.
Tell me then
How is it that you go about
Making friends?


  1. jos, i can unequivocally assure you that if i lived near you you would be and forever remain my dear friend, as you are from afar.

    to answer your honest question, i make friends by asking someone i find interesting if they want to have lunch sometime, i seek out people from my writing groups or whose path i cross for one reason or another. i've made wonderful in person friends from our blogs.

    that said, i find my real friends are a short list. i'm okay with that.

    gosh, it is so damn nice to see this post from you. you are in my heart, jos. xoxox

    your walking buddy

  2. KJ is so fearless! I love this poem as I constantly battle shyness and fear. I have good friends but find it hard to make new ones as I get older. I worry about that, as they move away and move on.
    it's good to see you here friend! Mim

  3. I agree Mim ... about KJ I mean, fearless and kind to the core. KJ thank you, for your friendship and the constancy of it. And you too Mim. I wonder at the nature of friendship sometimes, and how it is that my instinct for self preservation works to such an extreme extent that I isolate rather than risk rejection. Recognising destructive patterns does not undo them unfortunately. Ah but change is hard xx Jos

  4. I hope to meet up with you one day, jos. I think we would smile nonstop

    To say I am fearless and kind is the equivalent of a calorie free super rich chocolate cake. Thank you xoxo

    1. Given that there is now such a thing as zero calorie noodles I can't help but think that zero cal chocolate cake is not such a pipe dream. Ah KJ no one is truly fearless, why else would courage be so admired? And yes, we would indeed smile :)

    2. Blogger is playing up and stopped letting me type. I hope we will meet up too KJ, not least because i have a few ideas i want you to pass on to that elusive wabbit. big hug to you xx Jos

  5. It took me 7 years to truly feel comfortable around people, learnt to chat again, not be intimidated and feel exposed. I started people watching, the *sorry world!* listening to other people's conversations, and imitated that. It works after a while... I do still love to hibernate, but I no longer dislike socialising either.

    Hang in there, love and hugs!

    1. you have nailed it Shadow. "intimidated and exposed" is exactly what makes the whole business seem tougher than it should be. Practise practise practise! Thanks for popping by xx Jos

  6. Hi sweetie, Sorry to be so late with this comment. You are never alone darling and I for one call you friend and wish we lived closer.
    This has been a topic for me for the last couple weeks. I go many years without making a new friend, but a couple months ago a I met a woman who I became fast and close friends with, not sure how I got by without her in my life :-), I am so grateful for her, and I realized how special and rare it is to make a true friend. Talking with other friends it seems it is not something that happens often, we are blessed when it happens at all.
    Love you dear Jos. xoxo

  7. Rejection is what I fear and it's hard to be vulnerable. Added to that is my own shyness. I have a few good friends but even with those good friends I find it difficult to ask for anything, in case they say no. I am fucked up:)

    I'm coming to England in September, staying in Winchelsea for a week to visit my elderly aunt. Would you like to meet? I would. Let me know. Deb, the writer formerly known as Shadowboxer.

    I met Angharad years ago when I was last in England. I should email her as well.

    Take care, Deb

  8. Hey keep posting such good and meaningful articles.

  9. i'm a friend you have already made so you can miss out the initial bit! i'd love you to come and visit - i've missed you so much. i'd come to you but my man is still recovering from surgery but we have many guitars here which might be a draw...

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