A loss of trust

So what then becomes of trust
in the face of self betrayal
is there a way of reconciling
more than one version of oneself
the person who once was
with this new not-so-nice one

Why has time not brought wisdom
or forgiveness, even awareness
having broken with trust
does trust permanently turn it’s face
is there no recompense
or some allowance for redemption

I will put this to one side for now
find a place, some dusty corner
to lay this mirror of introspection
not in denial but in sad defeat
that reconciliation is some way off
but life’s other matters beckon too


  1. Jos, I love your writing, especially "A loss of trust", it makes me think, it makes me question who and what I am.
    p.s. I'm taking your advice on sleeping, I'll maybe get to work tomorrow, thanks.

  2. Dear heart reconciliation is totally possible. We look, we see, and we learn.

    Love Renee xoxo

  3. Oh boy, you do write me here. Self forgiveness is the hardest. I have found that time is a friend and our evil self can fade to a whisp that no longer holds much weight. We all deviate from truth at times, take a misstep from the path. You can trust yourself again becausee you just learned WHY you want/need to be true. Your redemption is at hand.

  4. Jos how I wish that you had never been hurt and I wish that all children have never been hurt.

    What is wrong with people that they would do these things.

    Love Renee xoxo

  5. I know dear Jos that my statement is ridiculous, it is just sooooooooooooooo....

    Like I want to fucking kill them. But at the same time, I know that they have an enemy in their head that was placed there when they were probably children.

    Love you dear friend.


  6. i love what you have written here. i can feel your efforts to understand. i've been there too.

    betrayal is so so difficult. where does all that love go?

    hang in. time will help. and don't forget we don't know the future. some surprises may sneak up and heal. :)

    thanks for showing up on my blog and linking to me. i've seen you so often at renee's so it was fun to see your avatar at my little blog.


  7. But dear hear what do we do then. I know what you are saying and then I think but what happens when the child grows up and becomes the perpetrator? I don't know what is the answer, love I guess? But then if they see the pain in the child's eyes and continue to cause it and it gives them some satisfaction in some way, I don't know what the answer would be.

    I don't know.

    Love Renee xoxo

  8. I am beside you then, in this. Knowing myself does not make it an easy thing then to have trust in myself. There is a fault line. I'm not always sure where to stand.