Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
I know that I am a very lucky woman. In my small but select band of friends there isn't one person I feel the need to let go of. Or at least I can't think of any compelling reason to do so.
One of the things I have learnt over the last year or so is to be a little more circumspect when making too many friends with others in my addiction support network. I have on occasion found myself being asked for support at a level I am just not able to sustain over a lengthy period of time. I hate letting people down and will generally stick by people for a lot longer than I perhaps should.
When anyone needs help my instinct is always to do what I can, even when it depletes me of strength to fight my own battles. I am learning to see the signs of this happening and hold back a bit more. It goes against the grain to do this. I hope that when I am stronger in myself I will be in a position to offer better support to these friends. In the end though I need to recognise that I cannot carry other people's burdens even if my instinct is to try.
So I am learning to be honest with these friends about how things are with me just now and trusting in their understanding. It is sometimes tempting to think that when friends withhold support it is because they don't value friendship to the same degree as us. It is only now that I am learning of this need to focus more on sustaining my own recovery first and foremost, however selfish that makes me feel.
So rather than letting people go as such, I am learning to balance my needs as being of at least equal importance as theirs. I have made some really wonderful friends through my support network and with these friends there is a strong and deep bond of mutual help, support, respect and love. I couldn't manage without them that's for sure. We pick one another up when hard times hit and I have been feeling the benefit of that a lot recently. They light my life.
Like many of us I have people in my life who are not friends. Their behaviour affects me ... sometimes deeply, but on the whole I am so practised at keeping my distance emotionally that I generally let go of them relatively easily. Not always in a very tolerant or forgiving way though! So much to learn ...
sketchbook drawing as prep art for an oil painting
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