Christmas Eve Eve is upon us and so I'm doing a double post in order to clear the decks for the festivities. Want to change the pace tomorrow (if I get time to post at all).
Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Just one thing? Are you kidding? I have a long list ...
OK one thing I hope to change about myself is I want to learn the knack of living in a more "present" way. It is abundantly clear to me that I over think. The knock on effect of this one aspect of my character is just huge. It stops me from enjoying, and it stops me being joyful. I can see that. And I hope I can change it.
Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Ah Jos, you are a funny one. Such a tender soul hidden beneath these layers of awkward outwardness. It's not all bad you know, not by a long chalk. And yes, you have made some mistakes and not all of them are undo-able by any means. I know that troubles you. One of these days you are going to get the hang of exercising grace in regard to yourself. Along that same path comes the art of accepting that which can't be changed however much you might wish it.
In the meantime I will tell you this. You are changing. Bit by bit and perhaps so gradually you mightn't see the signs of it, but look back ... are you the person you were even a year ago? No. That funny feeling you keep getting ... that fluttering in your heart? Well that is hope and it burns bright within you. It is something that is essential to your being and well-being. It is something that I love about you.
The funny thing about all this trying to change yourself is that at it's root you seem to think that you will find it easier to love the person that you are trying to become. But what about the present Jos as she is right now?
You remember that stuff you read about mental filters? How if someone says something that chimes with your internal view of yourself you listen properly, but otherwise you kind of hear it but it is just like noise ... it bounces right off your ears without going in? Well, I want you to listen to the things that people say to you and open your heart to take in their meaning.
You are kind. How many times are you going to hear that before you believe it? It's a good thing to be. You are not perfect and never will be but that doesn't stop you being decent, hardworking, reliable, trustworthy and a good and loyal friend. You are a loving wife, sister, daughter, and aunt. You are OK you know, really you are.
What do you think would happen if you started believing all this stuff? Would the world stop turning? Would your head grow to be the size of a pumpkin?
To value yourself is not a bad thing. It's neither boastful nor selfish. Just be yourself Jos, that's always going to be good enough for me. Be thankful for who you are, and be thankful for the life you have. And relax ... remember to enjoy, will you? I love you. xx
New Sketchbook on my website
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