time off

I'm looking at four days off
four days to fill with what
with waking in silence again
walking through each day alone
finding things to do without you.

Four days is enough time isn't it
enough to do something useful
must try to decide now though
before I'm totally overtaken
by all the gloom at home with you.

It's been a while since I played
well anything at all really
might try that beautiful Satie piece
fill the void with melodies
talk to myself through the notes.

I should be glad of the time off
all around me are happy people
anticipating their own festivities
I'll be coming home to silence
a slipping back again from you.

But not this afternoon at least
for I've eggs to dip in chocolate
boys who would happily dip in there too
smearing fingerprints everywhere
licking, laughing, kind of helping.

No not kind of, actually helping
really and truly keeping me sane
offering solace without even knowing it
accepting that I'm here again
so let's have some fun then auntie.

I have sources of joy in my life
it's just I keep on forgetting
getting caught up in the negative spiral
when all the turning I need to do
is just away from myself for a bit.