missing her

You miss her because she is gone
she won't be coming back ever
and the finality is just brutal
for your love didn't just stop
when she did, when she died
you love her still I can tell
and telling you that you're OK
that these things take some time
when you say it's now three years.

It doesn't seem that long ago
since holding that frail hand
talking of hopeful things as if
but she went along with it too
easing us into the idea of it
of a time ahead without her here
and here we are still missing her
holding back tears until later
sparing each other that sight

Or we would've except we didn't
seeing the fullness in your eyes
and taking your hand we leave
to walk under the trees nearby
a few minutes away from everyone
moments to honour her memory
a much loved friend, a dead wife
a wonderful remarkable woman
who did the impossible it seems.

She it was took your broken heart
and made it completely whole again
healed a wound so deep inside you
that few were trusted to know of it
her kindness was really your undoing
for there was such fire in her too
she was the real deal that one
a mender, a giver, a taker too
until she herself was taken away.

Leaving you with such emptiness
with plodding through dull days
in turn marking time, waiting
without really knowing in any sense
what it is you're waiting for
you can't readily describe it
the daily realisation of absense
of others togetherness all around
where now even hand holding hurts.

If I could impart healing I would
I would recall her from death
re-instate her into all our lives
but especially yours, I miss her
but my heart doesn't break
at each awakening, each new day
this grief is hard to express
when people keep inferring somehow
you should've gotten over it by now.

Some people move on quicker I guess
but surely it's individual
reliant on so many factors
to have waited so long to trust
never believing it would happen
not trusting at first even then
even with her standing there
putting her heart on the line
yes of course you still miss her.