I've been visiting that hard dark old place again
you know the one .. the muddled fuzzled one
the place that too much drowning takes you to
and once there, shutting the door softly you sit
gazing inwards and backwards, same old same old.
Holding on to the glass, watching the level drop
and with it your own spirits plummet lower still
you know you are doing again what you shouldn't
but the web of dependance is such that some days
it translates through warped thinking into wanting.
The wanting builds as the days of giving in pass
they start piling up as the mind and body weaken
as progressive drownings take their inevitable toll
and yet despite the bleakness, the deepening gloom
there's such familiarity here so the way out is clear.
It's right there in front of me, just a step away
and part of that first step is this ... this writing
acknowledging once again that there are things I can do
decisions made in bleak times can kick-start resolve
resolve leads to action, leads in turn to redemption.
All too easy to say in the cold light of a new day
hours until the time that siren call will be heard
but a start must be made even so, and so I choose now
no drowning for today, today is for swimming, floating
taking back the reins, closing that old familiar door.