My lost man

There was once a time
and I do remember this quite clearly
when you and I didn't argue
or if we did it didn't last
not like weeks months long silences
where I cease to exist for you.

I wonder when that started
and I cast my mind back to see
if I can remember how it was
and more particularly
how it all finally changed forever
is it forever do you think?

I used to be quite sure
that we would always be like we were
if not happy then at least content
but I'm sitting here right now
dreading coming home to you
and that was never meant to be.

I bought into this not knowing
that these dark black clouds come over you
and stop you from even considering
the desperation I feel reaching out
the risk I take doing so
to pull you from those depths.

I do know about dark places
and I understand all too well believe me
been down that path myself
I can wait as long as it takes
so long as you come back to me
and don't lose yourself down there.

This waiting is a killer though
it eats away at me from within and I wonder
if it's me you are hiding from
or do you think hiding is correct
sounds deliberate which is wrong
are you lost, or is different

Is it more like quagmired
stuck trapped within your spiralling thoughts
of utter despair and frustration
and total can't be botheredness
a place far beyond mere apathy
which leaves you, us quite where?