All right we've skirted around this for a while now
You want me to use words to describe how it was ... how it is
All right then here are some words.
How about desolation
Or maybe total undoing
Perhaps ... oh shit ... what was it like?
It was like having your insides repeatedly beaten
It was like being burnt
It was like a car crash of sounds and feelings
It was like trying to hold a part of me safe
Whilst the rest was left for them
You see it isn't easy to explain at all
I can't just sit and tell you words for your benefit
Unless they also have meaning to me
How about godforsaken
Or would you prefer just lonely
An isolation beyond any I've since known
It was like watching a slow death
It was like peeling your own skin
Like knowing and dreading because you are next
It was like there was no end
Like it would happen forever.
And so here I sit in front of you, except I can't sit
I must move my body and especially must move my eyes
I can not look at you when I say such words
Abandonded, bleak, bereft, alone
Nothing says it quite like alone I guess
Oh and afraid of course ... always afraid
It was raw pain that memory can't quite erase
It was like being awake in a nightmare
Trapped frozen in a dessert
It was like being a child being badly hurt
It hurt in ways I can't describe.