a safe haven

I guess I didn't realise that heartache physically hurts
I always figured it was just something people said
but I was wrong, as in so many things of late it seems
for this is a feeling like no other I have experienced
despite having had a share of grief and loss over time.

Coming up to the anniversaries of two very special deaths
and I'm wondering how it is that I feel one way about that
and yet quite another way about this, which makes me realise
that I have totally lost a sense of perspective which helps
for that's something else about heartache they don't tell you.

That it's a form of madness that spins out in your mind
taking you on flights to places you didn't know existed
and robbing you of the sense you were born with, which is why
you have to sit tight with these feelings ... wait and see
what perspective time brings when madness eventually recedes.

So I'll turn my mind to memories that it's coming time to honour
as the anniversaries approach, this year will I hope be different
for in years gone past I've made this time one of immoderation
found in this season a reason to drown myself night after night
to avoid feeling what should be felt, for grief is also healing.

So to honour a memory is quite a different thing from using it
and that realisation is part of the transition towards wholeness
I read somewhere recently that feelings are just feelings, how true
but what struck me was also what a complete misunderstanding
are we not driven by our hearts response to almost everything?

And yet rationality remains and can quickly become a safe haven
when the storms seem to rage and the waves crash in on our minds
we can turn and look ... step outside the feelings and see it clear
catch a glimpse of what has until now been hidden from our thoughts
part of life is death, as is learning to live with some heartache.

1 comment:

  1. i like this. i wrote a bit ages ago about my mum and said about how broken bones heal stronger than new - i think that is what heartache does for us - its like an emotional muscle that gets a bit of exercise and gets stronger. we are frightened that it will break us but in reality we don't break very easily, we bend, and sway, then bounce back.