A walk to Stonehenge

How do you fall apart exactly, do you know
is it something obvious and quite dramatic
or more akin to a silent crumbling within
a gradual overshadowing of despondency
a cracking or perhaps a thinning of the facade
an overwhelming sense of can't-be-botheredness.

Is it in the unwillingness to face anything at all
the insistence that nothing matters anyway
does sitting hour upon hour in the darkness count
or should I look for more gravity in the signs
is there more to come, more doom and gloom
is falling apart even possible unless left alone.

And how tiny do the crumbs have to become
how wide should the cracks tear us apart
do we really need to tumble into the abyss
launch ourselves in complete surrender
can I do all this very quietly do you think
I'm not sure I want to be noticed like this.

What are these thoughts that crowd my mind
when I could be drawing comfort from the silence
as I walk slowly towards the ancient stones
standing tall on the summit of this gentle slope
I fight back the urge to surrender just yet
and walk on turning my mind to enjoyment.

In the face of these stark alternatives
I am still in a place where I can choose
where whatever I choose I'm not saying forever
I'm saying for now and that will be enough
oh god I hope so, for my strength is waning
and the prospect of the abyss is almost persuasive.

There's a way of playing inside your mind
toying with might be's that seem quite terrifying
but in playing such games there are hidden dangers
for thoughts precede action so we mustn't proceed
we must exercise caution and take extra care
to play these games away from prying eyes.

I wish I could lean against these ancient stones
drawing strength from the generations past
who've been witness to the endless stream
and whose solidity and unwavering presence
remind me that life really can stand still
and so the edge recedes into the blur once more.

Clarity is a gift I've heard it said and I agree
that in thinking things through it can be a boon
it's just that the flip side is this unstoppable flow
which whilst it helps also draws me away
from the very things I need to focus on
so I stop my rambling and head for home.

1 comment:

  1. when i read the first bit i nearly rang you (and i rarely ring anyone these days) but then when i read on i saw i didn't need to worry so much. your strength and your staying power shines out. hugs. and thank you for today.