Sad news

Death is rarely a welcome visitor
no guest takes as much
giving so little in return
even in anticipation of it's visit
we are wholly unprepared
as if that in itself
might be enough to cause delay
hold shut the gate
through which we pass
into eternity
but death sweeps all aside
ignoring this lack of preparedness
entering without knocking
it overshadows
so that our loved ones cease
and are carried off

I knew
it was something bad
the minute I heard your voice
I knew
and a part of me plummeted
as I let your words wash over me
as I listened to your heart
crack open
words pouring out
through the fissures
even as I clung to the phone
even as I slid to the floor
I tried to find words
where no words will do
since words cannot undo
and then a nudge
at the back of my mind
Gabbriella
literally hearing her voice
reminding me to listen
that I don't need words to listen

And so in those moments
I quietened my own heart
reminded that this is not my grief
although I ache with you
to help
to offer solace
to lift some share
but I can't
it belongs to you
it is yours
ours is but an echo
the smallest ripple
it does not compare
so I can only offer
what I have
knowing it is not enough
because it can't be

Time ticks on
eventually your words
falter
stop
what did I say
nothing much
but enough I hope
laying the phone into it’s cradle
I send up a prayer
for my friend
and also to a friend
who watches over me
still
and even now
finds a way
to remind me
of the value
in a silent presence.