Some days

Some days are supposed to be hard
it is not supposed to be easy to watch
as his dark wooden box is lowered
knowing that the person lying within
is no longer the boy you once knew
that his smiling eyes are forever shut

it is not supposed to be easy to stand
next to the loving mother of this son
to hold tight her hand whilst she tries
with everything she's got inside her
to withstand the onslaught of grief
without crumpling to the earth

it is not supposed to be easy to listen
as one after another stands out front
to say some words in choked voices
streaming eyes all around us
as earth is scattered onto the lid
and hands are pressed in their passing

it is not supposed to be easy to feel
her trembling in an effort to withstand
and then when beyond withstanding
to hold and to sway and murmur
wrapping arms tight in a vain attempt
to impart some small measure of strength

just enough to walk us back to the car
away from eyes themselves turned away
and in the shelter, behind the darkened glass
to sit beside this silently shuddering woman
feeling the helplessness that comes
from bearing witness to such devastation

knowing that this is only the start of it
that grief is a journey in its own right
that there will be more days as tough
with family and friends gone back home
and fewer of us left to stand alongside
some days are just supposed to be hard.


  1. This is the start of it indeed. Such detail here Jos, so much passion. Tough days to come. xo

  2. I'm crying because I have lived this. I'm crying because I will live it again, either for me, or for her, or for you. I am crying because it is so close to my reality yet again, in so many arenas. Yes, it is supposed to be hard, but the knowledge makes of it no easier task. I am so glad she has you, Jos. I can think of no one better to stand alongside for the duration.

    Love you!

  3. Jos, at first I thought these last few poems were about a memory, now I see this is what is happening to you now. I am so sorry for your loss. She is so lucky to have you with her as you are such a gentle and kind woman. We all must have grief in our lives, it is a part of this life, but death is not the end dear Jos, it is only the beginning. I believe that with all my heart. Those of us left behind though are left with the pain of missing the one who has moved on. Big hugs. xoxo

  4. so now it is clear. you are a loving candle in the night. you write with such emotion and passion, jos. the refrain 'it is not supposed to be' says so much with a scarcity of powerful and painful words.

    i am very sorry for this Mother. i can't think of anything more difficult. bar none.

    i want to thank you for your comment on my blog today. it meant an awful lot. and i want you to know i welcome coming here to visit a poet who knows what she's talking about.


  5. oh jos. so much loss and pain. much love to you.

  6. And so life goes. But every burden is lighter no matter if the heart is breaking when a friend, a true friend knows what we are going through. The old cliche, happiness when shared is twice as happy, sadness half as sad. I don't know about the proportions but I know what it means to have spoken the same silence, cried the same tears and mended two hearts at once over the years.

  7. It's such a strange thing blogging. Here I am able to express things in a way I am unable to elsewhere. Taciturn ... I like that word but in truth I am just a very shy person generally. Only with my friends am I any different, and here. Which makes you my friends too ... if you see what I mean.

    I am so lucky that particularly in these last few years I have made friendships with people who share their hearts with me so as to make me brave enough to do the same. Thus when hard things happen we are able to pull together rather than feel pressure to be "all right" when things patently are not all right.

    So I am priviledged in my friendships. Even in the harder times. Thank you for your kind and gentle comments, which lifted my heart. Love sustains us all. xx Jos