I know all about boundaries
truly I do
the lines between right and wrong
the rules that bleach our world
leaching the colour right out of it
I do know about boundaries
right and wrong are writ clear across my soul

I stepped over that line though
without hesitation
without a single second thought
in living so completely in the moment
I lost all sight of the consequences
there's a difference you know
between doing right and going with the flow

I remember something you said about this
that you don't regret it
but that you will if I do
that it was real even though it felt unreal
and still does even in my memory
it seems like a dream event
not something I could've been brave enough to do

Why am I thinking about all this now
many months down the track
I suppose I'm not good at smoothing over
at consigning memories to the archive
where they can sit undisturbed in the dust
I reach and take this one down
from it's high up shelf to look again at me

For this is a me that I don't recognise
who acts without thought
who always puts such store by promises made
and yet breaks one thought to be lifelong
it's like a puzzle and I've lost a piece
the part of me who'd have said no
and preserved the lines between dark and light

It's easier when things are simple I guess
but having done I can't undo
so somehow accommodation must be made
towards the me that breaks these rules
but if I do am I not condoning a repetition
making hidden deals within my soul
persuading myself that lines are just shades of grey

I am not brave, but I know right from wrong
and having done wrong
I can only preserve the illusion of the promise
protecting the status quo with ongoing faith
that even rule breakers can be redeemed
not by unburdening for that burden must be borne
but this new line between truth and not troubles me still


  1. aaaah, yes, now this has a familiar feel to it. that momentary 'f*%& it' moment i call it, when consequence be damned, yet the moment doesn't leave me, only once i've worked through the blurred lines, does it let go.

  2. What can I possibly say? I, who have farked up in the extreme? But yet I don't regret, even though I never (big never) would have ever considered being where I am right now. Not then. But my me now is someone different. My me then was someone who wasn't who I thought she was. It's all learning and accepting and guiding where we want to go. There are choices, to be sure. And consequences. It is to weigh the consequences against the choices, and then to consider the heart.

    My heart was right. As painful as it's been.

    I hope your heart can forgive you and your choices be guided by real insight.

    much love,

  3. Can somethings be called mistakes? Can we make huge mistakes and see what we have done and forgive ourselves.

    I love you.

    Renee xoxo

  4. its the shouldering it and not taking the easy route of unburdening that is the honourable thing. you are strong and decent and this thing that happened is part of the journey of exploring your self. as time passes you will take the memory down from the shelf less often. hugs and much love.

  5. You said "who acts without thought". God, does that ring a bell?!?!