The Shoreline

When I first walked here along our shoreline
I didn't realise that so many years on
I'd get used to this, make it my second home
as familiar to me as my own cloudy horizons
and although sometimes I feel quite desperate
trying to catch sight of you amongst the waves
I am learning, very slowly learning to let it be

Knowing that in time you come ashore by choice
and even if it is not solely just to join me
I can still find a measure of joy in your company
for while no one person can be the reason for another
that doesn't mean I don't wish in my secret depths
that I could be more of a reason for you my love
on days like this I feel almost invisible to you

You wander out beyond the surf, beyond my sight
infrequent visits ashore bringing towering rages
and long lonely silences I can find no way to fill
I am just me, just a person, I can not be an anchor
can not be enough reason for you to try harder
family fill my ears with advice, I should do more
force the issue, make you listen to me, my needs.

I don't think I can shout loud enough to be heard
above the surf, the pounding sound of the waves
and even if I could my love, what could I say to you
how can I reach into the heart of your misery
simply to add guilt to your overwhelming despair
if you are struggling to stay afloat treading water
will it not just add to your weight if you hear me.

Are you beyond the range of even the lighthouse now
if I add my light will that act as an extra incentive
and even if you come ashore will I know what to say
it seems that my every word grates on you somehow
justifying your withdrawal from my inane stupidity
leaving me feeling not just alone but cast aside
a reject would-be rescuer sitting here on the shore.

There are days when I feel like walking inland
leaving the shoreline to find a home in the hills
where the trees make sounds not unlike the waves
where the task of climbing gently calms the mind
and looking out from the summit the horizon unfolds
in every direction, a vista of life lived so far
I'd turn to scent the air for salt even here.