Dancing with the devil you know

Unreality beckons, whispering in my ear
not so sweet somethings saying lose yourself
in the familiar folds of blissful oblivion
nothing hurts when we drift in the ether
and then everything does afterwards
so then don't think of afterwards
or of consequences, only of release
a chance to lay again and to lie again
rehash our fantasies, detach from reality

And then?
what then?

When we succumb, we alter without and within
losing hard won ground in this ongoing battle
between ourselves and the people
we aspire to be except on those days
when we want nothing more than to be a breath of wind
utterly inconsequential even within our own lives
thus we excuse ourselves from the hurt we cause
when we pause to listen to the malevolent whispers
of unwelcome unwanted visitors from our past

Oh but how they crow, they point and laugh
you see they know, and knowing has it's price
they say pay the piper or lose your soul
and only then might we let you go
but then the dance begins amidst the confusion
as colours brighten and noise levels heighten
unreality takes a hold as sad laughter bubbles up
as if to escape, and as it does you might notice
that it sounds painfully like the cries of hysteria

and then?
what then?

Well you see then you have the aftermath
the resounding impact of the almighty crash
as reality slams through our semi consciousness
realisation dawning, squinting against the light
of a day when all that matters is getting through
until the hour when the doors of the dance hall
re-open to the possessed and dis-possessed alike
because once dance fever re-takes it's hold
it takes the devils own strength to escape it

but only
if you dance

After all the dance hall never closes it doors
we delude ourselves that waiting is in fact control
when our delay is only in anticipation of the music
whereas choosing is but a turning point away
a re-creation of our lives devoid of this tomfoolery
learning instead the rhythms of new songs
ones that nourish once forsaken hearts and souls
and although I know all this there are still dark days
when I find my foot tapping to the old rhythm.


  1. This beautifully written. I feel your pain.There really is no way to avoid pain, but I do believe it is sometimes okay to try :-). And when you finally have to deal, ask for grace, it always come. Love and hugs. xoxo

  2. "we delude ourselves that waiting is in fact control,when our delay is only in anticipation of the music.."

    Hauntingly familiar. Those dark days...*sigh*
    If I had light to send, I would. Sunshine for your citrus, the beautiful orange bloom. But I'm sitting here in the dark with you, snapping fingers to your tap.

  3. nothing, nothing, nothing, is worth the pain and disappointment in the eyes of my loved ones, or the guilt in my soul, by fading into that oblivion i used to escape into to dull the pain in my heart. easy? yeah right. but there is always a tomorrow. so for now, hunny, stay in this day, this moment, this second... excellent writing this is!!!

  4. Oh, Jos! I know exactly where you're coming from in this beautiful write. The battle is all too familiar to me. I know I can bear the physical pain if I have to, but can I endure the emotional pain? I don't know, I just don't know.... Thank you for baring your soul here. You give me hope. Sending you love & blessings....

  5. jos, i won't be offended if you think it best to delete my comment.

    I don't get the self blame. i don't the guilt. i WANT you to dance. you are a good person, with integrity. i think that is totally apparent.

    your poetry is beautiful. it is haunting and visual and evocative and honest and honest. but damn it, sometimes i think you have it all wrong. maybe the arrow of blame is pointed in the wrong direction.

    with love (i hope i haven't offended or upset)

  6. learning instead the rythm of new songs... and still finding myself tapping out the old rythm with my foot! OH shit, I get this... the on going battle between the woman I am and the woman I am MEANT to be... damn woman... I get that too! AND the waiting, and pretending that's my choice!? Oh hell yeah... and somehow, in the midst of it all, it's ok to be. I am all of this, and none of this. I just seriously think you are marvellous.

  7. Ooo Eric, I shall be popping by a lot from now on. Fabulous writing.

    Annie (Coe) you're right that pain is unavoidable. Grace is something I could definitely do with more of. Always.

    Ah Annie (W&W) I will dig deep and find that spark to share. We'll find a way. We will.

    Shadow, So true, just not worth it. Ever. Tomorrow is already here ... thankfully.

    Marion isn't it so often the case that we're scared of physical pain ... but we dread emotional pain. With good reason. Bright blessings to you too!

    KJ, ah well you see there's dancing and then there's dancing with the devil. In this particular instance I am talking about engaging in a self destructive habit that has taken me quite some time to come to terms with. As it happens though I am a shocking dancer ... no really really shocking. I make myself cringe just thinking about it! Har har.

    Dana. Fabulous woman ... we both know you are already a fabulous woman yes? Yes!!! No, I can't hear you but I hope you are yelling! :)

    xx Jos

  8. Hi Jos, just caught up with this one, powerful stuff. Love, Fiend xxx

  9. jos, i had a self destructive habit and when i left it behind i became more myself. i wish that for you too, sweet friend,


  10. We ebb and flow, don't we? I know this, but I usually try to keep it quiet. Those quiet nights are hard. It's hardest when I'm hardest on myself. You too? So it seems. We should relent. What would happen then?