About last night ...

I know that you saw me watching you
I'd never make it as a secret agent
with the kind of subtlety I employ
Yes, I did hold you a second longer
during our hello hug, I was checking
which I know you know and hate too

But you see for far too long now
I've let myself fall for the disguise
turned a blind eye towards the obvious
the baggy clothes, your over bright smile
do you think your fragility doesn't show
that it makes you any less in my eyes

Am I really doing you any favours here
by pretending that I can't see you
that I am unaware of your difficulties
how do you balance privacy with care
when delicacy is next only to subtlety
in my least applicable social skills

To be honest I don't know how to try
we've been part way down this path before
where you've made it abundantly clear
that you don't want to talk about this
but how can I not when I see your pain
I can see that you're slowly losing ground

Are you afraid that I will say something
well, you're not nearly as scared as me
I'm all to aware of how frightening it is
to let anyone in to see the real struggle
the tangled web of half truths exposed
how to make a start with re-assurances

I know about the massive gulf there is
between mere aquaintance and friendship
but I don't know whether you see that
you call me friend, but do friends do this
and here again I question the balance
between unwelcome interference and help

I am no expert here, not even close
but your pain is palpable and real
where is the path that makes it possible
to allow one another the dignity and space
to find a way through all this stuff
whilst allowing us also to stand alongside

If I wait to find out I risk even more
because I know that you saw me watching
so I thought ... what if I write it down
that way you'll know that in spite of fear
there's comfort in shared understanding
I just wanted you to know that I'm here