A temporary state

Have you ever found yourself in a very dark place
I don't mean one outside the sphere of your influence
but one without the scant comfort of blamelessness
where what is happening is solely a consequence
of action or at least some inaction on your own part

Have you found yourself in such a place as this
where even the walls echo shouts of accusation
this is your own doing ... own doing ... own doing
and candlelight throws flickering shadows of doubt
upon the walls dripping slow tracks of aged tears

I wander among the stalagnites, the stalegtights
I can't remember the difference between these two
but the colours, the blues, the transulscent greens
the channels of deep despair written clear here
beneath the transience of my soft lingering touch

Some places touch you with a sense of such history
a knowledge of ancient damaged broken hearted souls
who wander aimlessly through these hallowed halls
of life's own creation, all those sacred memories
of a time before even the knowledge of time began

Gathering, piled like rustling leaves in a quiet corner
away from the blistering howling then whispering wind
useless is acknowledged knowledge of what should be done
against this self loathing, a raging fire burning bright
consuming will, demeaning any kind of resolution

This is what I mean when I say a very dark place
a desolate destination arrived at by my own hand
and so much the worse for that, for the blame, the shame
of knowing better but allowing this to get the better of me
of a dependance on an addiction unsolved as yet


  1. Oh yes, I know this place, this darkness. I know this shame of consequence, because for all the spit shine I give it...I caused the dark. I took the first hesitant steps towards night...not realizing there was something farther beyond dark. Absence of light. Ink. Thick. Cloying. Surrounding. You write me well.

  2. Annie you did not cause the dark .. you just didn't. I know that feeling though. I will hold you ... yes I will ... despite your resistance ... shall we meet the dawn?

  3. yes. i have. and have desperately tried to escape. and couldn't. and then i did. and still sometimes, the mind plays its tricks and turns the darkness into a light that doesn't exists... does it ever end?!?!?

  4. But I love you so and I don't care what you say about yourself, because nothing could turn me from you.

    Love Renee xoxo

  5. I am sticking with my first comment.


  6. Jos I believe in miracles and I think they are all around us. I want you to know, really know, that I believe that they are available for you too.

    Love Renee xoxo