Smoke and Mirrors

After all it's just smoke and mirrors
scattered thoughts shattered hopes
lost in the tangled twisted branches
found only in the depths of the forest
far from your eyes, from the open skies
almost out of sight of even my own seeing

Why do I wander off the path at all
knowing as I do the danger, the allure
the drawing in to the heart of the forest
where the dappled light has a dark tinge
and the path tapers off to nothingness
leaving me no sense of direction or time

And time is passing in ways not usual
dulled as the canopy hides the setting sun
or the rising moon for I can see neither
as I circle about in the deepening gloom
turning glass into bottle and then into two
with determination to obliterate thought

To run from an awareness of one's self
is a form of madness that takes practice
which is one thing I've had plenty of
arrogant pride in my ability to hide
and indulge again in this wasteful place
back amongst the deceptive lies of my heart

The branches here offer such strange comfort
a seeming embrace, a yielding roughness
a familiar feel of silent recrimination
a smell of rot that reminds me of myself
and returns me to some semblance of sense
seeing clearly despite the inky blackness

That the heart of the forest is heartless
a deep well in which to sink our own despair
thinking that we're leaving ourselves behind
only to catch sight of our own reflection
it seems smoke and mirrors only do so much
fleeing into this heart takes it's own toll

A gloom can seem even darker than it is
the entanglement of branches binding us
and yet this illusion is just more smoke
even reflections can be deceptive at best
this person in the mirror is the lost one
dark eyes speaking wetly into the silence

I have been a forest dweller for too long
wasted many days wandering in the depths
taking myself away from the person that I am
or could be if only I stay under open skies
not hidden away but seeing and being seen
sunrise comes to steal this darkness away


  1. "Enemy, familiar friend
    My beginning and my end
    Broken truth, whispering lies
    And it hurts again
    What I fear and what I try
    Words I say and what I hide
    All the pain. I want it to end
    But I want it again

    And it finds me
    The fight inside is coarsing through my veins
    And it's raging
    The fight inside is breaking me again.

    It's still the same, pursuing pain
    Isn't worth the lie I've gained
    We both know how it will end
    But I do it again.

    And it finds me
    The war within me pulls me under
    And without You
    The fight inside is breaking me again."

    Red - "Nothing and Everything"

    I relate deeply to this post, having mimicked the sentiment in many of my July posts starting with July 9th. I hope you can leave the forest. I hope you can find your way back to you. Trying with you....not alone.

  2. Hello,

    Julie Ann of and kj of are conspiring to send our beloved Renee a holiday “We-Treasure-You” Chest from her devoted blog friends. The idea is that anyone who wants to can send a special gift or card to kj and everything will be mailed in one box., filled to the brim with our handmade presents, art, tokens, cards, store bought gifts-- whatever you would like to give. What ever it is will hopefully give Renee a wonderful surprise and let her know how much she means to all of us over the holidays and always.

    If you would like to participate please email kj at and she’ll send you her mailing address. We’re thinking your gift should not be much larger than a cigar box or if flat 11 x 14 if possible, so we can fit everything into one big box for shipping. If you just want to send a card, that is totally fine and you know it will be so appreciated! (If you also want to send something for Jacquie, that is great too).

    We’re thinking everything should reach kj no later than December 1st. She will plan to mail the We-Treasure-You Chest to Renee the first week in December.

    We’re excited just thinking of her opening her treasure chest and finding expressions of love from so many of us!

    P.S. We are contacting everyone sometime this week. Anyone/everyone is invited to be part of this.