Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?

I guess you always remember the person who told you something that deeply affected you, even if that person wasn’t the originator of what they’d said. 

I remember some years ago being with a group of women chatting about this and that … nothing of import, just chitchat really. And then the conversation turned to a mutual acquaintance and a recent disagreement that had soured things a little. People with hurt feelings can say unkind things, and one unkind thing can lead to another. It seems like a contagion these negative words and feelings. 

Lucy was sitting with us not saying much. I’ve noticed that in groups she’s often quite quiet whereas in one to one situations she’s funny, gregarious, raucous even, with a wickedly dry sense of humour. Anyway on our way back to the car park I asked Lucy if she was OK, and mentioned that she’d seemed quiet that afternoon. “Hmmm” she said, “I was thinking back to that saying, you know? Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary. And then I didn’t feel like talking because everything I thought was unkind, and probably unnecessary to say out loud, even if they were true”.

Sometimes people dumbfound me. I’d forgotten you see … that words have power. Power to uplift, and power to belittle. And so we should mind what we say and think about the consequences of our words. Idle chitchat can seem innocent enough, innocuous even, but once we start down the route of character assassination we’re no longer idly chatting are we?

A few weeks ago Lucy fell ill and died. It was sudden and we’re still in shock I think. We’ll be gathering for her funeral on Monday. No doubt many of our shared experiences and memories will be discussed. It will be a comfort to be amongst our mutual friends - those who feel this same sense of shock and loss. 

I’m sure we’ll talk about all the fun and laughter because that’s what we’ll try to hang on to. Beyond her warmth and humour though, I think I will always remember Lucy for her willingness to stand apart and to do what she thought was the right thing to do - even if it meant going against the flow.

I think a very special set of wings will have been made for this particular soul. RIP Lucy xx Jos