If I could change anything
right now
I would swap what is
for what could be
if only ...
We talk about acceptance
don't we?
But what do we mean?
Do we mean accepting what is
what we think is
what we hope is
which version of being
shall I be today?
I shall be the me
of the moment
and try to hold on to the fact
that even if tomorrow
this feels unreal
today it didn't.
Tenses are what we make them.
Life's moments are so fleeting
so why do I find it so difficult
to appreciate what I have?
Is it because I spend too much time
staring at this false reflection
and wishing my pointless wishes
for a completeness that exists
only in the unreality of my imaginings
a place where I thought to transform
myself in a way that can never be
Or is it because I need only turn my face
and look out the window
to see an altogether different reality
beckoning me onwards.
We only have what we have right now, at this moment. I'm a great one for wanting things to be different, doesn't work out for me though. As my mother would say, "If horses were wishes, beggars would ride."
ReplyDeleteSometimes distance helps perspective. I finally, irrevocably stopped seeing my complicated, married man and looking back, wonder what in the hell I was doing and thinking. Lying to myself, hoping, wishing. It was messy, horrid and human.
Sending hugs. Perhaps we'll meet one day. I hope so.
The grass is always greener on the side you water. When discontentment looms, and a different reality beckons...I have to ask where I have been investing myself and my mental energy, my heart as well. Absolutely, tenses are what we make them. What was real one moment still is, and what felt empty one moment, actually was...because all feelings are valid and have merit. We look and look and look at them like a reflection, but in so doing I often find myself sitting on the selfish side of the mirror. I, and my love, are becoming more selfless. It is an amazing view from there and today I am amazed!
ReplyDeleteLove you. Miss you my Citrus. Proud as ever of all your hard work.