Storms blow

If I respond to the intensity and immediacy of my emotional state

am I doomed to repeat every mistake I have ever regretted making

might I find that regret itself becomes a perpetual state of being

so much so that I become unable to distinguish worth from worthless

for such is the worthlessness of regret that it comes full circle

masquerading as stepping stones along the path towards wisdom

Instead I might rage against the idiocy that resides inside my own mind

unleashing upon it the scorn of a knowledge hard won but fragile still

in that the things we know are not synonymous with the things we feel

and into that apparent paradox comes the thorny question of will

will I do what I want in the moment or what I want in the longer term

can I build up my resistance to the former in favour of the latter

In the process of doing so do I not run the risk of losing all spontaneity

as if this were a characteristic I have ever been capable of hitherto

risk taking is not of my nature but neither is courage and yet I want

oh yes I want, but I do not want that which what I want means

in a world without consequences freedom itself becomes meaningless

but then so too does responding to the immediacy of what I feel

Instead shall I wait it out, letting these things pass in the way

that all such things however intense and demanding eventually do

shall I instead seek some solace in the diversions of doing

there are other things besides doing but I know not how they work

and in trying to work out how they work all I succeed in doing

is reminding myself of the futility of a rage otherwise unexpressed

All storms blow themselves out if you give them enough time

the trick is to understand that we are always and without fail

far more resilient than we ever give ourselves credit for

at times it can feel like failure just to feel the way that we feel

to weep at nothing more consequential than an inability

to work out that there are some things I just can't work out.