More about trust

The hardest thing I have ever done?
that is one of the things I love
and also so hate about you sometimes
you ask questions that demand answers
well, the hardest thing I have ever done
is to admit that I need some help.

Doesn't sound all that much does it
but admitting this leads to asking
and asking requires some trusting
which I learnt long ago is no game
to be played lightly in any sense
except I know I'm being way too serious.

I would love to have your lightness
your gentle way of saying hard things
without any hint of hurt or intensity
but still with full meaning and import
and yet in some ways I wonder about it
we protect our hearts in such myriad ways.

When first learning how to trust again
I was indiscriminate, not trusting myself
that my instincts knew what I did not
but time does it's own work even here
tempering my fear whilst inching me on
to the point where I see the point of trust.

So I stopped running and faced my fear
finding that on inspection, with help
some fears diminish in ways unimagined
that trust unlocks doors which on opening
yield their own rewards, to brave souls
who offer help and to those who accept too.

They say that fair exchange is no robbery
but what have I to offer from my meagre store
some paltry wisdom gained umpteenth hand
and isn't that where I've been going wrong
that all along I knew, but still didn't know it
I just needed some help to let me see that.

So what did I learn in my quest to trust
that some processes have no defined end
that backward steps can still be progress
that learning from pain doesn't heal it
that loneliness comes from not trusting
and finally that some risks are worth taking.


  1. some risks are definitely worth taking. as a confirmed risk taker i can vouch for it. and as for your meagre store - i think you need to do some stocktaking mrs! you are one of the wisest, kindest, most genuine people i know so don't undervalue what you have to offer us! many hugs.

  2. you've learnt some valuable stuff... trust comes very hard for me.

  3. Jos- I've never been a good gambler. The coins always seem to migrate across the table where I can just gaze upon them. This I've learned of trust. I must always sit at the table, I must always bet the limit. It hurts, but I know no other way. ~rick

  4. "some fears diminish in ways unimagined"

    jos, this is my favorite line of your excellent poem. i am so glad to connect with another poet! this line beguiles the issue about trust sometimes: because the unimagined can indeed carry us to safe ground.

    it is going to take me some time to get to know you, joss, to witness your history. the first comments i left you did not understand the trauma you wrote of. but i will understand over time.for now i know you are a good writer who is both courageous and hopeful.

    i love that you've said that backward steps can still be progress. and you know what: sometimes backwards might not be backwards after all, right?


  5. oops, i spelled your name wrong. jos! i know better.

  6. I think it is important to be open to trust. I like the old idea of sleeping with one eye open too.

    See I am all over the map.

    I love your profile picture, you are so pretty and have the most gorgeous smile.

    Love Renee xoxoxo

  7. Oh Jos I love you for your prayer today. I love you so much for that.


  8. Joker, you are totally the biz boz. I am so glad you're feeling perkier.

    Shadow ... me too.

    Rick, gambling is anatheman to me. Way too cautious by nature, hence my struggles to trust at all! I like Renees idea of keeping a wary eye open too. Ha ... but that is only half trust which is not what I'm aiming for. Yes it hurts sometimes, but what other way is there to squeeze the juice out of life than forming deeply trusting relationships? In for a penny, in for a pound.

    KJ, you and my older brother ... you can both call me Joss (he actually calls me Joss the Toss ... go figure!) I will answer to any approximation truth be told. Backwards can definitely be good.

    Renee, what can I say? I love you. Always. But you know ... you are in desperate need of new glasses. Believe me. Mind you ... this is the very best photo I could find of myself. I normally look totally dishevelled and shambolic. This was taken just over a year ago on my wedding day ... hence the very best I could look! xx

  9. I do it. I trust. I get kicked in the teeth. I rub it off. I trust again. I'm glad.

  10. Erin,it takes such courage to step onto what in essence always looks like thin ice ... especially having fallen through it before. But joy ... real life joy can only be found by being braver than we sometimes feel. xx

  11. Indeed some risks are so worht taking!