Three Things.




I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to find my way back here. I was reminded today about my blog and I thought "oh yeah, why haven't I been writing there?"

Partly it's because I don't feel like I have a good handle on things which makes me feel ashamed .... and like hiding away from everything and everyone. Strangely this is the same way I felt when I was drinking. Maybe this is what it means to be a dry drunk? I don't know.

Depression continues to be an ongoing problem although the meds do help somewhat. Ah yes, this is why I haven't been blogging. I'd rather not touch base with my inner landscape when it feels so bleak.

It's a funny thing ... on the outside my life looks pretty good. Plenty of people would love to have the things I have. I hear a lot about the need to practise gratitude and I think it's something I really really need to do.

Three things I am grateful for today;
A chat on the phone with my brother
A lot of lovely comments about a picture I posted on FB
Finding the joke above funny because my "little" sister was taller than me from the moment she stood up.

7 comments:

  1. I've missed you! Glad to see you back. I totally understand how you feel. I fight chronic pain & depression every day. It's a hard battle. I laughed at your picture. I'm the youngest sister who's taller than my two older sisters. LOL! Hang in there. xo

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  2. I just realized that I'm taller than both of my older sisters as well.

    I'm sorry to hear that you're still struggling with depression. It is a nasty disease that doesn't want to go away. My depression still likes to drag me down some days.

    It was nice seeing you on FB. Take care woman.

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  3. knock knock. see that tree up ahead. i'm waiting for you.

    or is it that tree behind and you're waiting for me?

    i understand so well and i so appreciate your honesty. easy to write about tough things afterwards, not during. whatever, however jos, you are a fabulous person. no doubt.

    love
    kj

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  4. Not a dry drunk, no. Some times we need to look back or inward to realize how far have we come, and that is confusing and at times disconcerting.

    I have been away from everything and everyone for a long time too. In July my old nemesis, cancer, decided it would be a good idea to make an uninvited appearance, that was taken care of swiftly. But a month ago my old knee had enough and so I had to have a complete replacement of the knee.

    Never a dull moment. Like you I took a leave of absence for a long time. I believe I will be back, once I make peace with my depression too, and even sunny days don't make me feel better anymore. SAD without sunshine, how strange.
    So many things have happened, so many, and because I do practice gratitude I believe I am not in a home for the mentally bewildered. The holes in my life started with Renee leaving and I have yet to find a way to mend them, but I will wait although I am not very patient, as I hope to find my way to the sharing that brought smiles and some times tears, when we all shared and comforted each other, it is good to come here and see that you are where I saw you the last time.

    Allegra

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  5. Jos, I don't know how I missed this post, I check in always hoping there will be a post, and today I got lucky. I am sorry you feel shame, and that you are depressed. I have found in my life that gratitude is magic. I am grateful for friends like you that are always in my heart no matter how far away you are. Sending love and hugs. xoxo

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  6. oh allegra, please come back as soon as you can. you are deeply missed (right, jos?)

    love
    kj

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  7. hello jos! so glad you are back blogging - i have only just looked at my feedly thing and seen your posts so i have a lovely crop of them to read. and talk about synchronicity - some people who i know who haven't seen each other for years bumped into each other in the stonehenge cafe yesterday, and then two of them stayed over in amesbury and went for a curry!

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