Life is good

I am walking more quietly these days. Life has taken on a different hue and I have been adjusting to the new pace of things. Trev is recovering from a serious bout of pneumonia but has residual complications that have resulted in much to-ing and fro-ing to the hospital for tests, overnight stays and whatnot. Worrying as my usually hale and hearty gentle man has turned in the last 6 weeks into a shadow of his normal self. Weakened physically, which is all too apparent, but also his mental acuity has deteriorated which is more worrying in a way. He draws strength from my presence and I from his. We have one another and somehow the difficult times emphasise this to us both.

When things are bad with one or other of us we have taken to a simple way of offering support. We have bought a few joke books. I sit beside him whilst he is resting and read the very worst jokes I can find. He is not allowed to smile or groan. Those are the rules. I made them up and they are good rules. We talk about our fears as well, but intersperse them with jokes so that neither of us descends into that awful anxious silence that does neither of us any good. I have never been more thankful for Trev's ability to read and re-read guitar magazines than of late. I have stocked up on all the current issues and am drip feeding them to him on a weekly basis. All in all we are getting by.

John is making his way back to us in fits and starts. More and more I see his humour even as he struggles to accept the new status quo. What strength we show when we can smile in our hardships. He too is adjusting to the new texture and pace of life. After work today I am taking him for a drive. Hopefully he will be well enough for us to stop off at our house for coffee and a quick look at our bees. An apiarist of many decades experience, he has an insight that is totally invaluable to me in my novice bee-keeping endeavours. Some days he is well enough in himself to take about 50 steps without resting which is a massive improvement on a month ago. I have made a chart so he can see improvement in a more concrete way. The day to day variations can blind us to what is happening overall.

Sometimes I lose sight of myself. It's easier somehow to care for others and demonstrate that care in simple ways. My instinct seems to naturally run that way. But self care is not something I find easy and lately I have become aware of the consequences of that. The warning signs are there and I will heed them. I have so much to be grateful for. It's funny that what has been happening in my life has made me more sharply aware of that fact than ever. Normally I'd be whinging and bitching about how hard I'm finding it all. And it is quite hard, but not so very hard. Life is good.


  1. jos, i'm so sorry to hear trev has been ill - hope things are on the mend and that the tests all confirm that. you sound good, philosophical and as you say, a different pace. hugs.

  2. Oh Citrus, look at you grow. TO care for others is important and noble. To put them first is not wrong. But there is balance, and you are finding that and more importantly KNOWING when the scale tilts too far in any one direction. It is so interesting the ways we find to support one another. They are as numerous as blades of grass. We find tributaries into the wells of our being and set sail our boats. They are all so different, yet beautiful. I am so happy to hear Trev and John are doing better. I'm proud of you hon, as always! Yes, hard but good.


  3. i always remember: if someone's drowning and you can't swim.....

    best to take swimming lessons and feel pride in your achievements. you deserve everything good, jos. in the giving we find ourselves. but, i think, in the taking too.

    love always

  4. It was so lovely to hear from you over on my blog, dear Jos. I'm so sorry, though, to read that your Trev has been ill. I wish the both of you the very best, and hope that Trev is 100% again soon. This is such a gentle and lovely post. I am glad that you can see that life can be good, even when it is hard.
    Love and hugs,

  5. I'm hoping that things are getting better and that Trev is getting better. I know what you mean about caring for others...(sigh)
    Be well Jos, for yourself too